Just when I thought that the separation anxiety part of childhood was over, my daughter totally proved me wrong this morning.  We visited a church this morning.  I was very excited because we know the youth pastor and Mallory’s friends go there.  I just knew that she would go right into Sunday school and have a great time.

Since she was a baby she has been very routine and she likes to know what is going to happen when.  Even now she wants an itinerary of our days.  I swear she will be a planner or something when she grows up.

When we would go to someones house or a party it would take her a minute to warm up to the situation.  She would cling to me until she felt like she could venture out on her own. 

I understood that some situations were stressful for her, so I also let her lean on me not pushing her too much, too early or out of her comfort zone.  If she did not want us to leave her in the nursery as a small child one of us would stay with her.  Eventually she would go on her own, but she was not happy about it.  So, I wonder now if I should have handled some of those situations differently.

Now that we are looking at churches and she is 7, I thought she had grown out of that.  Well, I was wrong.

Of course I talked up where we were going.  I told her that we knew the youth pastor when she was a baby and that they were a lot of fun.  I told her that her friends Savannah and Christian would be there.  She was fine all the way to church, she was fine when we got inside, she was fine when I got her checked in, she was fine until we got to the room.  She saw the teacher, a very nice looking older guy.  She froze. 

“I am not going in there.”

“Mallory come on Christian is in there,  he is having fun, come on go in.”

After that exchange she walked backwards and huge tears welled up in her eyes.  Are you kidding me? 

She would not move.  Then she said she had to go to the bathroom.  I told her to go but she was going to class when she got done.  I went in the bathroom to check on her and she finally came out of the stall.  She washed her hands and parked herself in the corner of the bathroom. 

I didn’t know what to do.  Here I had a 7 year old acting like a 2 year old.  I was embarrassed.  My friend, Shannon, was being so nice and trying to help me.  I wanted to snatch her up and take her home and make her sit in her bed all day.  But, I knew if I left she would have won.  I would have lost and she would think that all she has to do is throw a fit and I crumble and she is victorious.  I was thinking of all the situations that she would try this.

So, I gave her 2 choices, she could go in class with Christian or she could go in class with Savannah.  I was going to big church, and she had to make a choice.  Of course, she just stood there pouting and crying, so I left her in the bathroom and told her I was going to church, she could stay in the bathroom and pout or she could go out and have fun.

The other teacher in her class was a lady, so she came in the bathroom and talked to Mallory.  I went down to church crying now.  I didn’t not want her to see me cry so I held it as long as I could.  Shannon said I did great, but I didn’t feel like I did.  She got me a coffee and we went into church.  The sermon was great and I finally felt I could relax and listen.

About 45 minutes into the service her number came up on the message board.  I went out to see what was going on.  My friend Johnny came out with her and said she almost made it through the service.  I explained her anxiety and he said that they would work with her to help her feel more comfortable.  That made me feel a whole lot better. 

So, we are going back next week.  I will get me a box of Kleenex for my purse and tough it out again.  I know it is just a matter of time that she will be begging me to leave her in Sunday school.  I just hope it happens soon.  Sometimes it is so hard to be parent. 

I finally understand what my parents meant when they said ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’.

Tags: Embarassing moments, mallory

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